I went to the doctor again today and the the diagnosis remains the same; the results are in, I’m still dying and that’s not going to change. I hoped for news of something that would alter the path ahead; but the doctor he assured me … within 40 years I’d be dead.
Like before my mind began to spin, my eyes began to tear. Maximum of 40 years, I was truly gripped with fear. Thoughts of death were flowing through my brain; the fact that I’m time sensitive hit me like a train.
I left the office and proceeded to have a real long cry. “Why?”, I asked the universe, “Why was I born to die?”
Yet in that moment sitting there alone inside my car; I felt a presence or heard a voice that said, “Remember that you ARE.”
“Worry not what you’ll become, that is better left alone. Focus on your birth dear one, not upon your own tombstone. That you exist in space and time is no accident at all; everything about you is a miracle, not one part of you is small. It’s an age old dilemma of all humanity; thoughts enter your mind that you might not always Be.”
I started the car and began to drive, observing with renewed awe all that I did see. Trees, flowers, other cars, houses, dogs and people everywhere. I had to pull over for a while so I could stop and stare.
Looking out I was amazed and decided to raise my eyes up to the sky. The sun was going down, the first star was sparkling bright. The moon was just beginning to replace the glory of suns light. And then I knew. I don’t know how to explain it … but I know you know it too.
Somewhere in our humanness we fear ceasing to BE. We are born with this innate desire to live eternally.
The sensation came again, an impression upon my mind. “You”ll continue to exist dear one forever and a time.” The universe was speaking her assuring words to me. In her kindness she wanted to set my bound up feelings free.
“Worry not for you are made of the same things as the stars. You existed before you came in human form and you exist right now. When your body is dead and gone you’ll still exist somehow. You are a part of the equation, an integral part of all that has ever been. What you don’t know frightens you, this I understand. This is because between time and space you live as mortal man.”
I don’t know why, but I felt peace. Nothing had really changed.
I feel confident again that what I am is more than decaying flesh and bone. I know somehow in my essence that Earth is not my home.
I took a breathe, then another and felt life’s energy inside of me. A human being of the universe, what better thing could one be?